I recently heard a quote that really made me think:
“This is you…this is what you are afraid of…what really scares you. Sitting drunk in a graveyard. Crying about where and who you are. There is so little time. You have NO TIME LEFT! There is so little time!!!!”
I can’t say that didn’t affect me. Every second I think about it equals a second that I can’t do anything about it.
My desire and struggle to understand faith is part and parcel with my desire to understand my place within the framework that I have constructed.
In the end, I have a response that covers my writing, pondering, and publication: I…don’t…know. I wish there was an answer that conformed nicely to a neat poll, but I can’t provide that. I wish I was a pilot that understood the controls of every plane known to man. But I’m not. I’m you. And, really, I’ve been trying to say that from the beginning. I toss aside that which is expected of me and focus on that which I project (in my infinite desperation) by my intellect and the expression of will that I support.
In the end this is just a blog. Ha ha. Just a fun place to visit occasionlly to see what my current “fix” might be. Is there a new, interesting theorem for me to compare to my “real” life? What kind of entertainment awaits me this week?
But, at the end of the day, you will see what you want and hear what you want. Logic, reason, history, environment, and (sorry Philter) elucidation will deliver you nowhere if you fail to stop and investigate those words.
“Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.”
Learn, damn you. Learn. Absorb, absorb, absorb. Jesus, no slouch in His own right, understood this. The times…they are a-chagin’. If you don’t understand this as the prophesy for the future, then you (I personally think) have missed the point.
I’m not going to mince words here, so prepare for some serious shit.
Translation: “Things have gotten pretty bad…prepare for the worst. When the worst occurs (of which you have only glimpsed) there will be no salvation save through Me. After that, we’ll see. Otherwise, be cool. Knock off the violent shit. Now. The world deserves attention and you guys have UTTERLY missed the point.” And here’s the most interesting part of all: “You aren’t going to understand why (I’m sorry) but, eventually, I will come back and smack your ass into oblivion.”
There were a lot of messed up Jews and recipients of “Roman rule” that REALLY liked that message.
Here’s my question: Do you…YOU…feel this message every single day of your life? If so, why are you sad? Why are you silent? Why are you in a bad mood? Why do you feel that the grinding pressure of the bullets and bombs and death and dirt and explosions and trickery and lies…are okay? What happened? Is your faith a polite excuse for the solid thud of an apartment building landing on a family of five? Is it easier to imagine that they are the enemies of God? Are they happier enjoying the 72 virgins? Or are you happier that they are dead imagining that they foolishly thought that paradise awaited them? At the end of the day are we guilty (perhaps not AS guilty) of imagining that death is cheap elsewhere…just not here?
I have seen it up close. In its grunting, sighing, utter finality. Please, I beg you, don’t ever revel in that. Accept it, regret it, mourn it, stop it, facilitate it, but don’t sit in the face of the “whimper as the world ends” and dismiss it. And that, I believe, is where our civilization is. There are cultures on this planet that simply believe we, the strongest of all possible cultures, have forgotten what their shuddering breaths sound like. And I think we have. I don’t dispute that. That shakes my faith. Where does God fall in that argument? Where, indeed?
As I said before, where does my faith stand? In you. In those I know. In the faith that I have that intelligence still exists throughout the mechanisms of this civilization.
I have faith in you. Should I? I don’t think anyone but you can answer that. Let’s leave judgmental, creative, omnipotent agents out of it.
Time to stand and deliver.
Let me leave you with a quick analogy.
Two men sit down on two chairs that, unbeknownst to them, have nails in the seat.
The first man screams, “Argh!!! Give me pain killers or something to deal with this! This is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Come on. Give me some way to deal with this unbearable pain!”
The second man screams, “Get me the fuck off of these nails.”
Which one are you?
Maybe not along the lines you are talking about but I was thinking about this for a couple of days.
It is very interesting how we perceive the connection of “faith” instantly with religious beliefs or dogma. People are willing to die for what they claim is their “faith” their unmistakable and unquestionable belief that they have a higher authority guiding them to do what is right.
But there are very few people that are willing to just have faith in themselves. Without looking outward for help, just sitting down looking inward and doing what needs to be done.
Maybe that there needs to be a third guy on that chair that picks himself up and goes “Shit that hurt, I better watch where I sit!”
I guess my current way of thinking is that faith is something that comes to you. You can’t look for faith you live it. Your experience, your passion, your knowledge builds your faith, and when everything seems just a bit too dark to go on you have to look in your own soul and find that piece of light that makes you look at your world and realize that maybe there is still something left to be done to make it better.
But like you said thoughts are fleeting, and this is a blog that is a snap shot of the mind at the moment.
Comment by boobka — August 23, 2006 @ 12:07 pm